Confessions Of An Insane Cat 2: Jayfeather
by Stardust98
Summary: After hours of even more excavation, several more recordings have been found. These tapes will be shown to the public one by one. First up is a recorder that seems to have belonged to 'Jayfeather', whom also resides in 'ThunderClan'. He appears to tell of his daily life from 'Apprentice', to 'Medicine cat'. Rated T for some stuff, and language. Crack.
1. Chapter 1: Intro

**Hello Everyone! I'm back to the Warriors fandom with the sequel to Confessions of an Insane Cat~. . . . Confessions of an Insane Cat 2: Jayfeather! I suggest you read the first one, which is with Firestar, first. This one takes place during the third arc. Anyway, hope you enjoy~!**

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**Ever since 'Steve' has been discovered, more tapes have been discovered along with that one. They are from the same individuals from 'ThunderClan' and the tapes have been recovered and fixed. Here is the first of many, a tape that appeared to be owned by someone named 'Jayfeather' who was the apparent 'medicine cat' of 'ThunderClan' based on numerous recordings, we conclude that 'Jayfeather' was blind. This is a true story, bro.**

**Anyway, this seems to take place earlier than when 'Firestar' had gotten his (Assuming it's a male) tape recorder.**

* * *

**Day 1**

Ugh, hello. My mother, Squirrelflight told me that I was 'too emo' today and took me to the psychiatrist. She told him I was 'crazy' because I was talking to a stick. Stick (That's right, with a CAPITAL **S**) is my best friend! She's so stupid.

I don't even know how this is supposed to help me, cause my mom calls me crazy when I'm talking to 'inanimate' objects (Which Stick is NOT) and I'm talking to a stupid recorder. Whoopee. Life is so fuuuun.

Anyway, today, Lionpaw came by the medicine den and started to brag like the douche bag he is, about his warrior duties and _blah blah blah_ I don't give a f***. He really needs to shut up. NOBODY CARES. Well, except for the she-cat apprentices . . . He is such a player. I told him that the other day, and he was like 'You're just jealous, and I'm stupid!' Okay . . . maybe I added the last part, but it's true!

Anyway, me? Jealous of him? He's just being a dumb cat, like he always is. He may be strong and tough, but he's as smart as driftwood. I'm not jealous of him. Definitely not. N-Not at all . . .

. . .

I'm tired, I don't want to talk anymore.

I hate everyone.

Bye, I guess.

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**I'm really excited about this, I love, love, LOVE Jayfeather.**

**R&R!**

*****Stardust98*****


	2. Chapter 2: Stupid, Dumb Lionpaw

**Day 2**

* * *

I'm so flipping mad today . . .

Now I'm in the f****** medicine den, all because of something stupid, dumb Lionpaw did. He's so . . . stupid . . . and dumb.

I was just sitting in camp, eating a tasty vole and minding my own damn business, when suddenly, Lionpaw comes out of the apprentice den, with Honeypaw, Cinderpaw, and Poppypaw all trailing behind him, like love-struck she-cats. He was looking all proud and happy, so when he saw me, he smirked and headed to my direction.

Stupid, dumb tom.

Maybe him being a player had to do something with his mentor being Ashfur.

Nah, Ashfur's too much of a wimp. Freaking cat is scared of his own shadow.

As I was saying, life liked to screw me over, so it had demanded that I deal with another one of stupid, dumb Lionpaw's bragging sessions again. I mean, even his name is cooler than mine. He's freaking LIONpaw. I'm JAYpaw. My name makes it seem like I'm a she-cat, which I'm NOT.

(Leafpool) Jaypaw, aren't you tired?

No, now please, shut up and leave me alone. I'm busy ranting about how unfair my life is 'mkay? Okay.

(Leafpool) _–a sigh is heard- _. . .Is this about Lionpaw . . .?

NO. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

(Leafpool) Why are you yelling?

BECAUSE YOU'RE SAYING STUFF THAT ISN'T TRUE.

(Leafpool) You don't have to yell . . .

OKAY, I'LL STOP YELLING.

(Leafpool) You're still doing it . . .

*Ahem* Sorry, lost my cool or a while there . . . Anyway, this isn't about Lionpaw, this is about how I'm unfairly treated because I'm blind! Seriously? What the heck? I mean, I can sense cats in front of me, it's not like I'm totally helpless. It's not like I'm asking anyone to freaking chew my food for me. And Lionpaw has to brag about him being a stupid warrior. Ugh, stupid, dumb Lionpaw.

(Leafpool) Er, maybe you should calm down . . . And you've already called Lionpaw stupid and dumb five times.

It's because he IS stupid and dumb!

(Leafpool) Six now.

Not helping, Leafpool.

(Leafpool) Sorry . . . But really, you know you can tell me anything right?

You sound like my mom . . .

(Leafpool) Oh . . . um. So, a-anyway, are you s-sure this isn't about Lionpaw?

. . . Yep.

(Leafpool) Alright, good night.

Whatever. Where was I . . . Oh yeah, stupid dumb Lionpaw.

(Leafpool) _–Yawn is heard- _. . . Seven.

. . . Shut up.

I guess I should give you a name . . . I mean, Graystripe called his Aubrey, ad Firestar said that he would call his Steve, if he ever needed one, which I really think he does. That cat is an idiotic maniac.

Hmm . . . I think I'll call you . . .

Franklin.

Yeah, I like that name.

It's not as stupid as Steve at least.

Ugh, all this hating on other cats is making me tired.

Good Night.

I still don't know why I'm talking to you.

I mean, I'm apparently just a useless, blind cat. I was almost deaf once too, because Thornclaw made me listen to 'Friday' by this stupid twoleg named Rebecca Black. My ears have never been raped so badly . . . Oh StarClan, I can still hear that squeaky voice in my head . . .

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**Please R&R! Not so much comedy here, but I still hope you liked it. Thank you to _Ghee Buttersnaps15_ for the name~! You all had good suggestions, so I had to pick randomly. This story is probably going to be the same length as the first one. And I'm still not sure who to write for the sequel . . . Oh well.**

*****Stardust98*****


	3. Chapter 3: Ranting and Stabbing

**Day 3**

* * *

Oh my StarClan.

Ya know that she-cat from RiverClan? The medicine cat apprentice? Willowpaw?

No, of course you don't. You're a freaking recorder.

Anyway, so, when I first saw her, I thought she was nice and everything, especially since Hollypaw was all like 'OMSC she's like, totally an angel! We paint each other's nails, tell all our secrets, and talk about guys!'

I know what you're thinking.

You're probably thinking that I added the last part, but I didn't. She actually said that.

Typical hormonal she-cat apprentice.

Psh.

So, anyways, she totally came up to me, and I was going to try to be nice to her, (Keyword: try) but then she was all like;

'Where's Hollypaw? Like, I want her and not a useless apprentice like yooou!'

I was like Oh, Dark Forest no. She did not just-

By the time I was done with her, she went home, crying to her mommy.

Well . . . actually, I just made her feel bad about insulting me like that.

Seriously. Like, what the mouse dung. I'm definitely better than some she-cat that can't decide on anything and is obsessed with the Warrior Code.

And everyone calls me the crazy one. For StarClan's sake, I have an a**h*** for a brother, and a weird as f*** sister! WHY IS EVERYTHING UNFAIR, DARNIT!

(Squirrelflight) Jaypaw . . . are you having anger issues again?

No . . .

(Squirrelflight) Remember what I said about getting angry.

Whatever.

(Squirrelflight) You know you can always tell me anything, right?

Yeah, sure . . . Wait a second, that's weird . . . Leafpool told me the same thing just yesterday . . . Huh.

(Squirrelflight) Well, I'd better go now!

Well, that was strange. Er, anyway, as I was saying, and Firestar is being the world's worst leader ever! I heard that he was better when he was 'Fireheart', that he was less of a wuss. This is as bad as last year's New Year's party . . . no, scratch that, *It's almost as bad as Daisy randomly mating with someone in the clan, let's say . . . Spiderleg. Like, really randomly, and then they had kits that the father didn't really care about and stuff.

. . .

I better not have jinxed it.

. . .

Oh, who the Dark Forest cares.

I'm going to go walk in the forest . . .

You know, it's been a while since I've visited stick. I mean, you can't just leave your homie hanging like that. You just can't.

Ugh, now I'm starting to sound like stupid, dumb Lionpaw . . .

You know who else pisses me off? Berrypaw. Oh My StarClan, I want to stab him slowly with a badger's fang and leave him in a ditch. No one's gonna fall in love with that guy. *Imagine someone sweet like Honeypaw or Poppypaw developed a crush on him. Oh Dark Forest no.

I really hope I didn't jinx it now.

Dammit.

Oh~! Stick, there you are~! :3 I've been looking for you everywhere my sweet-

*Ahem*

See you later, Franklin. I have a certain date with a special someone.

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**R&R! Hope you like this chapter! I'm really sick right now, so that's why this chapter's not really funny . . .**

*****Stardust98*****

***= Spoilers for the third arc, if you hadn't read it.**


	4. Chapter 4: Plot Twists and Bad Words

**Day 4**

* * *

This is so unfair.

So, today, I went to accompany Hollypaw on her battle training, because I was bored and I didn't want to deal with Gray-whateverhisnameis' thorn in his paw. Seriously, they all turn into friggin' mewling kits when there's a thorn in their paw, but when they get a long gash or nasty bite, they have to be all honorable and _**shut up**__ Berrypaw, you_ _were crying like a kit the whole time while I was putting herbs on your scratch. _I swear that supposed 'scratch' was f****** _**microscopic.**_

(Leafpool) _–A sigh is heard- _Jaypaw, has Firestar been teaching you those bad twoleg words again?

So what if he is? W-Which he isn't of course.

(Leafpool) Don't say them- Squirrelflight, did you know that Jaypaw's been saying those weird twoleg words Firestar always says?

(Squirrelfight) Yeah so? Why're you glaring at me- Oh! Er, Jaypaw, uh . . . you musn't say those words and um, stuff.

(Leafpool) Now, would you please help me sort out these herbs?

Sure, _mom. _

. . . Was it just me, or did Leafpool flinch when I said that? And no, I didn't _see _her flinch; I can sense things, mind you.

Huh.

You know, now that I think about it, some sh!t is gonna happen, and it's probably going to be some huge, and big plot twist everyone saw coming, and it was obvious, and we're probably going to have some big battle or something, and there's going to be this weird prophecy I'm going to be utterly confused about, even though it's painfully obvious, and someone that was included in the prophecy dies, even though they're really not part of the prophecy, and then, some couple in the clan is going to break up because of some secret, and you know what, we're probably just some characters in a series, controlled by four authors named . . . hmm . . . what's a good twoleg name . . . Oh, Erin Hunter. Yup.

But then again, I could be completely overthinking things. Ha! At least I can _think, _unlike stupid, dumb Lionpaw.

Speaking of the stupid, dumb douchebag, he keeps leaving the camp for some reason. It was way obvious before, but of course I don't notice until now. Could it be that he's spending time with another she-cat from another clan and its forbidden love and stuff? We should really patch up that hole in the nursery . . . Why is it even there anyway? Does anyone _want _any forbidden love or something? That stupid hole is large enough for anyone to notice it, and yet, they only notice it when they catch someone leaving to go make forbidden kits, and even then, they don't do sh!t about it. Then every cat gets all mad and rages at the cat who's dating some cat in another clan, and it's kinda their fault because they didn't cover up the damn nursery hole.

(Leafpool) Can you . . . please stop saying those two words?

What? Which ones?

(Leafpool) Forbidden . . . love . . .

Why?

(Leafpool) I-I can't tell you . . .

You can tell me. It won't really matter anyway, since I know already.

(Leafpool) W-What!? Who-

Nobody needed to tell me. It was really, _really _obvious. But don't worry, for the sake of the supposed 'plot' were all involved in, I'll make myself forget and act all surprised later.

(Leafpool) You're not mad?

Ehhh . . . Nope, not really. I mean, what's done is done. And besides, since I'm a forbidden offspring of two young cats who were foolishly in love, I'll get more attention when it's all revealed. It'll probably be revealed by some cat at a Gathering, since that's where most of the unexpected stuff is revealed at 'cuz were all crazy.

(Squirrelflight) You know, for an emo cat that b!tches at everyone, you're pretty observant.

Darn right. Anyway, have you guys seen Lionpaw? I want to put poppy seeds in his food, and thorns and ants in his bedding.

(Squirrelflight) Oh yeah, he just came back from whatever breaking the rule-ish thing he was doing.

Okay.

(Squirrelflight) You're not going to say than you?

Hmmm . . . Ah, no not really.

(Squirrelflight) . . . Okay then. _–Steps heading out of den are heard-_

I'm going to have to go Franklin, I'll see you . . . no wait, I'll sense you later. Ugh, being blind sucks Onestar's butt.

Bye.

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**. . . I have not explanation for this chapter. Hope you liked it! Sorry it's short, but the chapters will get longer soon!**

**R&R!**

*****Stardust98*****


	5. Chapter 5: Long Names and More Rants

**Day 5**

* * *

We're going to the mountains.

Yippee.

I would be happy, if it wasn't for the stupid fact that they almost didn't let me go because I was f****** **BLIND**. For StarClan's sake, how many **times **do I have to say it? I CAN SENSE THINGS, PEOPLE. Er, I mean, cats. Or . . . whatever!

(Brambleclaw) You still have that thing? Jaypaw, are you sure you want to go? You might get hurt-

Screw you Brambleclaw. **Screw you. **You don't have the right to say **anything**, first of all, your name is too freaking long and is a **pain **to write, second of all, you almost betrayed Firestar, _and __**don't**__ look at me with that face, I'm Jaypaw, I know __**all**_. Third of all, you are annoying as hell, and I bet you're only putting up with Firestar just 'cuz you know that he's going to die soon, in some Great Battle or something, then you'll become leader and be all bossy and stuff. I hope something bad happens to you, like Squirrelflight lying to you about something that you should've known that involves forbidden junk and stuff. SCREW YOU. **His name is Franklin.**

(Brambleclaw) O-Okay, I'll be leaving now . . .

And you know what!? I-

(Leafpool) Sorry Brambleclaw, but he's right.

WHAT!? You b**- Wait, I am? :O

(Leafpool) _–growling is heard-_ What were you just about to say to me?

Nothing . . . A-Anyway, how am I right?

(Leafpool) Brambl- ugh, your name** is** too long, if you don't want him to act up like this, you should not treat him like glass. He can sense things. :/

THANK YOU!18O

(Brambleclaw) True . . . But what about the fox incident? . . . And this year's New Year's party?

I was a kit when the fox incident happened! And it's not my fault Thornclaw and Spiderleg spiked the juice with catnip and alcohol! It could've been more fun too, if it wasn't for you meddling adult cats! u.u

(Brambleclaw) I suppose you can go . . .

OH MY STARCLAN. FINALLY, SOMETHING IN MY LIFE GOES RIGHT!

(Leafpool) When has something ever gone wrong? Wait, don't answer tha-

That time when I tried to ask out Cinderpaw, but then Lionpaw had to blow my spot and steal her away.

(Brambleclaw) 'Blow my spot'?

It's young cat talk. You wouldn't understand old man.

(Brambleclaw) Hey! I'm not that old! ;_;

Whatevs. Im gtg 2 bed.

(Brambleclaw) Please don't tell me you're going to become like Hazelpaw and start chat speaking.

Idk. Mayb. Cya l8r.

_-recorder is turned off-_

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**Hope y'all enjoyed it! **

** justjoking88: Yes, I am. Thanks for the suggestion. :)**

**My birthday's coming up guys! :D**

*****Stardust98*****


	6. Chapter 6: Japanese and PAWNCHes

**Day 6**

* * *

So were on our way to the damn mountains, and Bramblecl- his name is too long . . . Well anyway, he said we were going to take a short break. I took Stick with me, and Rock, the weird and ugly cat I talk to when I close my eyes and touch Stick (**NOT** LIKE THAT), has been teaching me some kind of Twoleg language. Not the language that I've been hearing Firestar say a lot recently, but he said it supposed t be some twoleg language that comes from twolegs who live on another side of the world.

Japanese.

That's right. I know Japanese.

(Brambleclaw) You know what?

Japanese.

(Brambleclaw) Er, Jaypaw, are you alright?

_*Hai._

(Brambleclaw) . . . What?

**_Watashi wa anata ni baka daijōbuda_.

(Brambleclaw) . . . O-Okay, I'm going over there now . . . _-mutters- _Why can't ThunderClan have any normal cats . . .?

Heh, it's kinda cool, since no one can understand what I'm saying . . .

. . .

WAIT.

NO ONE CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING.

I can do everything I've ever wanted to do! Cuss out Firestar, yell at a meeting, cuss out Firestar, teach people fake Japanese, cuss out Firestar . . .

This. Is. Awesome.

They'll have to think I'm important now that I know a completely new and foreign language! I mean, not forbidden-kit-important, but actually-important-important! Yes! Now, people won't think I'm just a stupid blind medicine cat who gets their prey stolen from right under their nose and _Berrypaw I know it's you. _

(Hollypaw) Hey, why don't we play monkey in the middle while we're here!

Hell no- DX

(Lionpaw) Yes! _-snickering is heard- _And Jaypaw can be the monkey. :D

No! I'm always the-

(Brambleclaw) I'm not sure about this . . .

(Lionpaw) C'mon Daddy-o! Don't have a stick up your-

(Brambleclaw) _-growling is heard-_

(Lionpaw) . . . rump.

(Brambleclaw) Better be. Now, fine. Let's play monkey in the middle.

NO! I don't-

(Brambleclaw) Why not?

Well . . . I-

(Lionpaw) Are you scared? B)

N-No! I just-

(Lionpaw) Or is it because you're blind?

Oh.

That stupid, dumb, and tom-that-I'm-definitely-not-jealous-of did NOT JUST-

Well then.

It's on now, sucka!

(Lionpaw) Heh, you're going to lose.

_Baka._

(Lionpaw) . . . What?

HAH! You don't understand.

(Lionpaw) S-So what? You'll still lose!1!one!

Okay, suuure. We'll see about that.

* * *

When are we going to staaaart?

(Hollypaw) Uh, Jaypaw, we were waiting for you.

Oh, then okay.

(Hollypaw) No, not that way, the other way. NO! To your left. Your OTHER left. Gah! Just stand still! We'll go over there.

(Lionpaw) _-rustling is heard, then growling- _What's this? Is this your Stickie friend?

GIVE ME BACK MY STICK!

(Lionpaw) Nope~!

Grr . . . ***_Sore wa bakku o ataeru!_

(Lionpaw) I don't know what the hel- Dark Forest you just said, but whatever.

. . .

(Lionpaw) . . .

. . .

(Hollypaw) Er . . .

. . .

(Brambleclaw) What's going on here?

(Hollypaw) Something's up with Jaypaw . . .

(Brambleclaw) . . . Jaypaw . . .?

. . . ****_Kuruma o bakku sa seru anata ga kizutsuku shitakunai baai._

(Brambleclaw) I think we should back away . . .

(Hollypaw) Why? Did you understand what he said?

(Squirrelflight) I'm back from hunting! I caught a vole, a mouse- What's wrong with Jaypaw?

. . . *****_Farukon_ . . .

(Brambleclaw) RUUUUN!

PAWNCH! _-Sound of Epic falcon punch and a cat being thrown across a clearing is heard-_

(Lionpaw) Urrgghh . . .

(Squirrelfight) Lionpaw! Are you okay?

Yeah. I'm done here.

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**THANK YOU TO _LeafAkemi_ for the suggestion in this chapter.**

**If anyone has ANY suggestions, PM me. I would be glad to take them! It depends though, if I can do it or not.**

***=Yes.**

****= I'm alright idiot, or something like that.**

*****=Give it back!**

******= Back away if you do not want to get hurt . . .**

*******= Falcon**

**PAWNCH= Epic way of saying 'punch'.**

**I got the Japanese translations off Google translate, so if I made a mistake tell meee!**

*****Stardust98*****


	7. Chapter 7: Stalkers, Braille and Bad Dad

**Day 7**

Hello Franklin.

I bet you're wondering why I'm not complaining or yelling my head off like I usually do.

Well, we got to the mountains alright, but there was a twist in the plot, in which Brook and Stormfur, that guy who left the group earlier after his sister died and _oops I'm not supposed to know that._

Yeah, so they told us about some rogues that were bothering them, blah, blah, and here we are, training the apprentices from the Mountain Tribe. Tribe of Rushing Water or something. Well, Holypaw, Lionpaw, and Breezepaw are training the apprentices.

(Pebble) Lionpaw, am I doing this right?

(Lionpaw) Hmm? Oh yeah . . . Yeah ya are.

Oh StarClan . . . Am I sensing another case of forbidden love? One that strangely doesn't involve the hole that is STILL in the nursery? (For once!?)

This is freaking ridiculous.

And Breezepaw looking at me like some creeper isn't making ANYTHING better, folks.

(Breezepaw) _–steps are heard-_

OMSC, he's coming this way! HE'S F****** COMING THIS-

. . . way?

Huh?

What the he- Dark Forest?

He just passed me and went to the other side!

. . .

. . . Do I dare look?

_-slight movement is heard-_

Oh Silverpelt, he's still freaking looking at me!

What the actual heck?

Someone help me!

(Brambleclaw) _–steps are heard- _Hey! Jaypa- Is anything wrong, Jay?

YES! OH MY STARC- Wait what!? Jay!? Why the Dark Forest did you just call me Jay!?

(Brambleclaw) Er, I just thought that we could become closer-

Cut the crap, tell me, darn it.

(Brambleclaw) _–sigh is heard- _Okay, fine, Squirrelflight said I should become closer to you guys by being more 'fatherly' to you guys, since I'm always busy . . .

Yeah, uh-huh, go on.

(Brambleclaw) So then, being the wonderful father I was, I decided to spend some quality time with my kits.

_-muttering is heard- _Yeah sure, 'your kits'.

(Brambleclaw) Huh?

Nothing! Just, go on.

So, I decided to start with my favorite one.

Who's that?

(Brambleclaw) You, Jaypaw!

Really? I always thought Lionpaw was your favorite.

(Brambleclaw) Eh, n-not really . . .

Okay, well thank yo-

(Lionpaw) Hey dad, look what I taught Pebble!

(Brambleclaw) Alright.

(Pebble) _–scratching and movement sounds are heard-_

(Lionpaw) I call it, the river spider.

(Brambleclaw) _–muttering is heard- _I knew I shouldn't have let him watch all those karate movies in Firestar's den . . . Atta boy, Lionpaw! That's why you're my favorite!

Wha-? But-

(Lionpaw) Thanks Dad! _–snickers are heard- _ Hi JAYpaw~!

What the f***!

(Brambleclaw) _-nervous chuckles are heard- _J-Jaypaw, langua-

SCREW YOU! I HATE YOU, _AND BREEZEPAW, *__**STAHP **__I KNOW YOU'RE WATCHING ME YOU STALKING, PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A CAT!_

(Breezepaw) W-What!? No I wasn't!

YEAH, YOU WERE! STOP TRYING TO SNEAK JUSTIN BIEBER CD'S IN MY NEST. JUST BECAUSE I SAID I LIKE ONE OF HIS SONGS, DOESN'T MEAN I'M IN LOVE WITH THE GIRL-

(Breezepaw) Er . . . he's a boy.

WHATEVER! I'M GOING TO BED, BUT FIRST I'M GOING TO STOP USING THE CAPS BUTTON BEFORE IT BREAKS. Good f****** night y'all!

_-loud and heavy stomping is heard- _

Ugh! I hate my life! I know I sound like a teenage girl right now, but darn it, I just want to smack everyone in the face sometimes!

Why did I have to be blind?

No, the real question is, WHY CAN'T THE MEDICINE CAT HERB BOOK HAVE A BRAILLE VERSION! I would rather read it than listen to Leafpool's voice. _–horrible imitation of 'Leafpool' is heard- Oh, Jaypaw! Can you pretty pwease pick up the hebs over there and sort them while I mope about my past. Kay Thanx bai! _

I need a vacation.

* * *

**Sorry for the late update! Hope you like it though! **

**R&R!**

***STAHP: Epic way of saying STOP.**

*****Stardust98*****


	8. Chapter 8: Merry Christmas!

**Day 10**

* * *

Yup, I skipped a few days.

Just because I've been feeling lazy lately.

Yeah, so now, we're on our way back home, after going to the mountains and stuff.

So. I'm pretty frickin' bored right now.

Oh yeah.

It's Christmas.

Whoopee.

Ugh, sorry Franklin. It's just that I haven't been able to sleep lately because I keep getting the feeling that someone is watching me . . . It's so f****** creepy . . .

(Lionpaw) Hey, Jay-loser! Try to not run into anything, 'kay?

Shut the Dark Forest up, I'm not in a good mood.

(Lionpaw) Typical Jaypa-

LIONP****. SHUT. THE. HELL. UP. Or I'll PAWNCH you again.

(Lionpaw) _–muttering is heard-_

What did you say?

(Lionpaw) You're deaf too?

That's it. I'm going to f*** you up.

(Hollypaw) Come one guys~! Stop fighting! Get into the Holiday spirit!

Holiday spirit my a$$.

(Hollypaw) Jaypaw, are you okay? You're crankier than usual.

I'm not cranky!

(Lionpaw) _–snickers-_

You wanna get slapped?

(Brambleclaw) Alright, everyone calm do-

DON'T EVEN START. Do you know what the authoress has to go through every time to typed your damn name? DO YOU? Damn. Did your mom really have to name you Bramblekit? Why not Wusskit, or somethin'. . .

(Brambleclaw) _–sigh is heard- _Let's just . . . keep walking.

(Hollypaw) Can't we just stop here? There are a bunch of pine trees! :D

What the hell do you want with pine trees?

(Hollypaw) So we can have a Christmas tree right here, silly! Remember, Firestar doesn't have Christmas parties because he's busy.

Busy doing what!? Oh, you mean those crappy plans he has on capturing Santa Claws (Get it? Claws? XD)? The idiot.

(Hollypaw) Yup~! So, why don't we have our own little . . . er, gathering . . . right here? It's a small clearing, and we have a nice view of the stars and stuff! Santa will surely find us!

I DO NOT want to spend the Holidays with that creep.

(Breezepaw) Why are you looking at me? I'm no creep!

Yeah, ya are. And why are you so butthurt that Crowfeather likes me better?

(Breezepaw) W-What!? He barely says anything to you!

Exactly.

(Breezepaw) . . . Okay then.

* * *

(Squirrelflight) Okay everyone, I came back with food!

(Lionpaw) FOOD! 8D

The fata$$.

(Squirrelflight) Jaypaw, come and eat!

You don't tell me what to do. I'll just eat these . . . er, f-flowers! Yeah! They look tasty!

(Squirrelflight) Fine. Suit yourself.

(Hollypaw) Let's make the Christmas tree now!

_-stomach growling is heard- _Yeah . . . Sure . . .

(Squirrelflight) You hungry, Jay? I can-

No! And don't call me Jay. I'm not hungry.

(Squirrelflight) Then how come I heard-

That was uhhh, Lionpaw.

(Lionpaw) WHAT!?

Uh, s-sheesh, Lionpaw . . . You um, s-shouldn't do that in public! Er . . . you can do that in the . . . uh . . . woods! Oh screw it, you aren't going to fall for th-

(Squirrelflight) He's right, Lionpaw. You can't do that in front of other people! I mean . . . cats. What were you saying, Jaypaw?

Nothing. Nothing at alllllll. Heheh. BD

(Lionpaw) You think you're cool just because your emoticon has shades?

No. First of all, I know I'm cool, and the reason for this is because I can make an emoticon that looks just like your face. Wanna see?

(Lionpaw) Whatever.

8F

(Lionpaw) . . . What the hell is that?

You, with buck teeth and DERP eyes.

(Lionpaw) I don't look like that! D:

Look in the mirror, smarta$$.

(Lionpaw) I have, and I don't f****** look like that!

No, you haven't, because the mirror breaks before you can look at yourself.

(Lionpaw) You-!

(Crowfeather) Stop quarreling already! :O

YOU stop being a piece of fox dung first! :O

(Squirrelflight) _–mutters- _Like father, like son.

(Brambleclaw) _–chuckling is heard- _Yeah, Breezepaw sure is like his father.

Ugh.

* * *

(Hollypaw) The Christmas tree is finished! :D Isn't it pretty?

_The 'Christmas tree' is a small, pine tree that barely has any leaves, and is now decorated with cobwebs, pinecones, and flowers. Hey, despite having some human technology for no apparent reason, they live in the wild, dammit. _

Mind you, despite it being the most bummy Christmas tree I've ever seen, it is actually kind of nice . . . I mean, it does ,look like something you buy at a 99 cent store, but it's alright . . .

_As the group settles down, fireflies randomly decide to commit suicide and fly right into the cobwebs, making the tree look like it has Christmas lights, adding to its bummy appearance, but at the same time, increasing the . . . er, beauty . . . I guess . . .? Yeah, so anyway, it was kind of nice how they were desperately trying to get free . . ._

This isn't that bad at all . . . Well; I better put you away before you run out of batteries. _–yawn is heard- _G'Night, Franklin . . .

* * *

**MERRY CHRISTMAS! AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR! :D**

**R&R! **

*****Stardust98*****


	9. Chapter 9: Warrior Names and Chatspeak

**Day 22**

* * *

Sorry I haven't been . . . talking to you lately, Franklin. I had a lot happen to me lately.

Firstly, I had a terrible hangover after the New Year's party . . . And so did Firestar, which meant that he got grumpier and bossier than usual. Seriously, I wanted to **claw** his face off.

Secondly, Stormfur and Brook went to live at the mountains again, and Graystripe got all sad, so naturally, he chose me to comfort him and I had to hear him cry and had to suffer from the unpleasant sight of his runny nose and sh!t. It was the most annoying thing in my life. Well, not as annoying as **Lionpaw.**

(Thirdly,)Speaking of the piece of twoleg dung, he and Hollypaw (Now Hollyleaf) got his warrior name. Before I got my medicine cat name. AND THAT SUCKS FIRESTAR'S BUTT. Mostly because now, I can't sleep without him** sneaking** into my den (The Creep!) and bragging about his warrior status.

His warrior name is Lionblaze. Not only does it sound cool (Like hell I would admit it to him) but it sounds **MANLY**. And I swear, if Leafpool gives me a girly a$$ name, I will drug her with poppy seeds and freakin' **throw** her into the lake.

. . . Stupid Lionblaze. I would like to set **him** ablaze.

Fourthly, HAZELTAIL (The dumb cat) has been wanting to be my friend recently for some stupid reason. She speaks like this;

'Hllo, JP. Cn I tl momnt?/?/ I ned sum popisiidz.'

. . .

I can't even UNDERSTAND what the she-cat says most of the damn time!

. . .

I know. It's terrible.

AND I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN TAKE IT ANYMORE!

The More You Know.

Now that you see what I have been dealing with, do you understand why I act like I do? I'm around of bunch of idiots who make it seem like their goal in life is to annoy the Dark Forest out of me. AND THEY ARE SUCCEEDING! Now do you see why I act all 'emo'? It almost makes me want to move to some other sane clan like . . . WindClan.

. . .

Wait.

Oh Dark Forest no, Breezypoo is there.

Hmm . . . Maybe RiverClan. Or ShadowClan.

You know what I found out?

That Mothwing doesn't talk to StarClan. She doesn't believe in our warrior ancestors.

Now, this may sound pervy, but I was in her dreams (GET YO MING OUTTA THE GUTTER!) and I was spying on her, and all she was doing was taking a nap and dreaming about catching butterflies in the freakin' field. And then I was like . . .

WOW.

THIS CAT IS . . .

. . .

**SMART.**

I mean come on! I should've thought of this earlier!

Instead of receiving dreams from StarClan, I could be taking naps. Don't look at me like that . . . Wait, what the heck am I talking about, you're a freaking recorder.

Anyway, it's not like they tell you what the prophecy is about, and they leave you all the vague stuff for you to figure out. Sure, the 'Fire will Save the Clan' one was **easy**, but see, cats were not as smart back in the old days.

And then, by the time someone realizes, they either, A) Can't do sh!t about it. B) Its too late, or C) Pretend they don't care at all, which usually leads to choice B. So what's the **point**? StarClan can send me dreams when I'm at the camp, and they seem to do enough of that anyway. Also, they could send them to Leafpool instead off depriving me of my beauty sleep. Which I definitely DON'T need much of (Lionblaze does though).

Hawkfrost and Tigerstar were stupid, but looks like Mothwing got her mother's intelligence, because I heard that she was a smart cat, and the only dumb decision she made was having kits with a dumb villain. Although . . . if she hadn't, Mothwing and Hawkfrost wouldn't have been here, and I wouldn't have been given this idea. So . . . In a way, I guess it was a good decision.

Well, I have to go collect herbs with Leafpool.

See you, Franklin.

Wait, no.

I mean . . . sense you later, I guess . . .

DAMMIT! WHY DID I HAVE TO BE **BLIND! WHYYYY!?**

It's not fair . . .

I almost wish, I was more like my brother . . .

Almost.

Because even if he is kinda cool, and awesome, and tough . . .

He's still a douchebag, a meanie head, and a dummy.

. . .

. . . I think Cinderheart could've done better.

But whatever. I'm happy for her.

(Leafpool) Jaypaw! Let's go!

Leafpool looks really mad right now . . . So I'll go.

(Leafpool) COME ON JAYPAW.

JUST FOR THAT, I'LL GO EXTRA SLOW!

Meh, she just wants to get back as fast as she can before Berrypaw, Thornclaw, Firestar and Graystripe eat everything on the fresh kill pile.

Fat a$$e$.

* * *

**Sorry for not updating, I have been very busy.**

**So, JayJay calls everyone an idiot. (Despite he being one himself. A very lovable one though!)**

**R&R!**

*****Stardust98*****


	10. Chapter 10: Breaking The Fourth Wall

**Day 16**

* * *

Hi, Franklin, so right now-

(Lionblaze) . . . Why does it say 'Day 16' in bold letters?

. . . Where?

(Lionblaze) Up there. You see it?

Pffft, nope. _–nervous chuckle is heard-_

(Hollyleaf) Hey! I see it too! :O Weird, I've never noticed it before . . .

N-NO YOU DON'T!

(Lionblaze) This can only mean one thing . . .

**STAHP!**

(Hollyleaf) You don't mean . . .

(Lionblaze) Yeah, we must be in some kind of story or something! Didn't Jaypaw actually rant about that one time . . .?

. . . Why can't I have normal siblings . . .?

(Hollyleaf) Wooaaah! That's cool! –shuffling sounds are heard- Hi readers!

. . . You're actually waving . . .?

(Lionblaze) Who do you guys think is better, me or Gaypaw here?

(Hollyleaf) That rhymes!

No it doesn't. And you guys need to stop- GAYPAW!? Why you-

(Hollyleaf) Why do we need to stop?

BECAUSE the authoress will get **mad** if she finds out that you two **idiots** are breaking the fourth wall!

(Lionblaze and Hollyleaf) Fourth wall . . .?

Yes, you morons. The fourth wall. The wall you need to stop breaking. I'm already running out of Scotch tape to fix it!

(Hollyleaf) But what about the first, second and third walls? Did those break already?

No.

(Hollyleaf) But then why-

I don't f****** know, okay!? Now please STOOOPPPP. I don't want any more trouble-

(Lionblaze) Is THIS the fourth wall? _–sounds of very irritable poking are heard-_

YES! Don't touch it, or it's going to crumble down into nothing! And then I'll be **screwed**! . . . Even more than I am now, anyway.

(Lionblaze) Uhh, how come I can see a female twoleg looking at me angrily on the other side of this wall?

SH!T! Get out of there!

(Lionblaze) Okay! 83

_-sounds of a wall crumbling down into nothing are heard-_

. . .

(Hollyleaf) Jaypaw . . .?

_-pawsteps entering den are heard-_

(Firestar) What are you not-as-cool-as-me cats doing? Oooohhh! You guys broke the fourth wallll~ I'm telling~!

. . . If you idiots don't get me some Scotch tape in five seconds, I'll tell Breezepaw that you guys are Justin Bieber fans.

(Hollyleaf and Lionblaze) . . . Actually, buying some tape sounds like a good idea now. _-pawsteps exiting den are heard-_

(Firestar) NO, NO, NO, **NO**! Steve and I had enough of that!

. . . Steve? Is it that recorder you have?

(Firestar) Yup, you know he- OMSC, YOU HAVE A RECODER TOOOO?

. . . Um, maybe . . .?

(Firestar) This is so **cool**! Not as cool as me of course, but still cool! We could like, be . . . recorder buddies with Graystripe and his recorder Aubrey! I told him that Steve and her should totally date, but he wanted to keep her pure or something . . .

No thanks.

(Firestar) Great! We have a meeting tomorrow at noon.

No wait, Firest-

_-pawsteps exiting den are heard-_

. . . There you go, Franklin. My day ruined in only ten minutes. Well, what else can I expect from ThunderClan, the clan of idiots. _–grumpy muttering is heard-_ Bunch of mouse brained morons . . .

* * *

**Sorry for the not really funny chappie and extremely late update! I had writer's block for a long while (And I still do.) So I decided to take a suggestion from you guys! Thank you to **_**LeafAkemi**_** for the awesome idea! Keep on sending suggestions guys! :D **

**R&R! **

*****Stardust98*****


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